As a schoolteacher, it can help you better handle student discipline challenges by understanding how they often originate. ?
Children become like their parents!? This fact can do more than enhance parenting success ? it also proves helpful to teachers. ?
You see child behavior, moodiness, classroom attitudes, ways of communicating and emotionally reacting all reflect the parents' modes of self-expression to a significant extent. ?
The student who displays hostility toward authority, who argues with you, who attempts to take over the class, who chatters on and on, who displays inappropriate physical aggression... all of this and more provides keys to how his or her parents conduct themselves at home. ?
In a sense, teaching children means teaching their parents! ?
In my parenting classes one of the first "ah-ha" moments that occurs to parents happens when they realize how the child behavior problems and even character weaknesses like lying or sneaking, that they face express behaviors those parents themselves have modeled.
One of the most powerful parenting tips that can be shared is this: observe your child closely to recognize the ways that YOU need to grow ??
When a parent really sees how a behavior? problem demonstrated by his child replicates a pattern of his own, that parent holds a key to leading the child into better behavior. ?
A common mistake made by teachers is to "judge" a parent by the parent's superficial appearance. ?
Despite the fact that parents may appear to be wonderful people during your brief meetings with them, if their child is behaving poorly or under-performing in the classroom, you can safely presume that there is some way the parents' self-conduct contributes to the child conduct problem. ?
It pains a troubled child deeply when a teacher says things like, "Your parents are such wonderful people.? Why don't you try harder to please them (or to be like them)?" ?
On?some level the child consciously or subconsciously understands that there is something going wrong in the parent-child relationship ? so when the teacher takes the parents' "perfection" for granted the child feels more alienated, alone and despondent - which triggers poorer conduct. ?
By contrast, when the teacher understands that the child is receiving an influence at home that contributes to his school behavior problem, and enters into conversation with the student to possibly bring out what the parent problem is, the child feels relieved and inspired by the bond being built. ?
In addition, if a child, say, with an anger problem mentions during the conversation that his dad displays a lot of rage at home, the teacher can offer some coaching like, "Even if your dad is showing you a lot of anger at home, remember that you do not HAVE to? be angry like that with your classmates." ?
This can help the child better understand himself and make better choices for himself, and it further builds a positive bond between the?student and teacher that further supports the child's motivation to perform well. ?
Sometimes, after the child reveals the parent problem, the teacher can CAREFULLY offer some respectful coaching to the parent during a parent-teacher conference. ?
For instance, one elementary school teacher observed that one of her students loses emotional balance too easily and frequently, leading the child into wild, destructive, rebellious behavior.??The teacher looked for subtle signs of this coming from the parent during a teacher-parent meeting and recognized a high level of emotionalism coming from that parent. ?
The teacher gently suggested to the parent that if she modeled improved emotional balance her child would pick that up and show better self-control at school.??
This particular parent?happened to be into personal growth, recognized the validity of the teacher's suggestion and followed it. ??
As this mother progressed in her self-work, her daughter's self-control at home and at school showed improvement. ?
Admittedly, not all parents are going to be that open to a teacher's insight into how the parent might change to improve the child's school performance. ?
But at least knowing this child behavior secret for teachers will help you better understand your students, and that may enable you to better reach and teach them.
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